Pregnant and Perfect

Pregnancy is a happy yet vulnerable journey.

Pregnancy is a gift of god! A gift often came unexpectedly and I had a mixed feeling (happy and nervous and I can't describe the felling) when I knew that I was pregnant early this year. The sole reason is because I was diagnosed with a fibroadenoma (breast lump) after I got married. So grateful that my husband noticed that after we got married ;p So I went an initial scanning followed by FNAC in hospital to find out the characteristics of the lump. I was so prepared to remove it no matter it is good or bad. Fortunately the lump was benign and I was all ready to get rid of the lump in the hospital. However, I found out that I was pregnant a day before the operation so the doctor did not remove it and had advised me to remove it after delivery.

I told myself that it's fine and everything will be okay by continuous chanting and praying. My only wish at the moment is that baby is absolutely healthy, happy, normal and smooth delivery.

But many things are changing during the pregnancy from inner self to outer environment, I think it is necessary to write it down to remind myself the beautiful pregnancy journey through continuous challenge.

1. Hormonal change

Firstly, I admit that my skin has became so much better and glowing after pregnancy. I used to have a lots of pimples but it is absolutely gone by now.

Secondly, I am glad that morning sickness doesn't really affect me in the first trimester save that I started mild morning sickness in my second trimester.

Thirdly, the doctor noticed that I had a fibroid in uterus when he did the detailed ultrasound scanning (why so many fibroids one, I ate too much fibre is it?) The reasons being that 1 out of 3 pregnant woman will get those and it will mostly cease to exist after delivery. Thankfully the position of fibroids doesn't affect the growth of the baby.

2. Environment change

Changing from a legal practice to a totally new working environment, moving from "staying alone" in city to "staying with my husband's big family" in suburban in just 2 months time, I have not adapt to the changes yet and it may take a longer time.

Firstly, the working environment in sub-urban differs from the city. People in sub-urban works very very hard (as in long working hours sticking on chairs) as opposed to working in city where people are creative and trying to find ways to do things differently and effectively. I look like alien when I was walking around the company and go back home on time. I wish I could change the working culture in the new company and not be part of them in the near future.

Secondly, while many people may asked me "why are you staying with your husband's family after married?" (with a shock and surprise expression). Well my husband is the eldest son and he has a strong sense of responsibility to accompany his parents. I respect his decision and that's actually not a bad idea to stay with in-laws. I am again grateful that my mother and father in law are treating me like their daughter. In addition, I am always stuffed with good food after work because I do not have to cook at all.

Thirdly, I am so grateful that my parent's house is just 2 minutes away from my husband's house so I can go back to my parent's house almost every day. Just for your info, I am the youngest in my house and my brother and sister are both in Singapore. I can feel my parent's loneliness so I would spend more time with them whenever I am free.

3. Spiritual change

The mood swing in pregnancy is real. It's always easy to talk than doing it in the real life. Although I pray and told myself to have a bigger heart to accept everything, my heart will still be moved and affected by outer environment.

One of the examples is staying with my husband's family. Sometimes I do not understand why is a married woman with family (staying nearby), which is my husband's twin sister, will stay in our house all day, everyday. I totally understand that a daughter who married have a right visit their parents as often as they wish but what if they are staying with you all the time? Is it normal? Can anyone tell me about this because I really don't understand. Then my mood swing is in action and I am trying very very hard to get rid about the bad feeling I had. I always try to welcome guests with open heart.

I hope I will be happy and free throughout pregnancy journey. Happiness will affect the baby directly and indirectly.  I now end my post today with a happiness quote by Daisaku Ikeda:-

A person with a vast heart is happy
Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.

A person with a strong will is happy.
Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.

A person with a profound spirit is happy.
Such a person can savour life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.

A person with a pure mind is happy
Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.

See you soon in October, my dearest happy and healthy baby xx

Missing page

This blog was created when I was in university. The primary objectives of the blog are to share with other peers on the fighting spirit and purpose searching while we were in a transition between a youth to a beautiful adult.

After I have graduated from law school, I started my training and subsequently work in a law firm which does not offer me the luxury of time to blog about my working life.

When I got my first job, I was really grateful for my mentor Mr. Looi for his continuing support and his teaching. I realised that stress handling in university in TOTALLY and ABSOLUTELY different compared to a real world.

Throwing back to my legal practice in the city 4 years back, I could proudly say that I am stronger and better than yesterday. But there are a lots more for me to challenge and grow in the future.

Then I got married with my first love.

I have made a firm decision to move back to my hometown to stay with my husband and his family.

I have also bravely quit my legal practice and join a construction company to experience the difference.

Then I got pregnant and entering motherhood at the end of 2018.

Too much changes in less than 6 months and I have decided to continue blogging about my motherhood journey.

I will mostly share about experiences in pregnancy and my significant changes in physical, mental and spiritual aspect throughout the journey.

Hope you will enjoy it xx

Do It Now!

What is your daily routine?

Weekday: wake up - work - dinner - handphone/games/social media - sleep

Weekend: wake up - handphone/social media/games/gathering - sleep

Some good day: wake up - workout - work - social event - study - sleep.

Have you ever calculated how much time you spent on your electronic gadgets?

Are you in a lost generation?

Are you looking for a passion?

Or do you have many ideas but hesitate/fear to implement?

Time flies like the arrows in clash royale.

I can't believe it is almost May 2016!

What have you done?

I bother, ponder and wonder what are my missions and how to make it a reality. There are some tips I found today! 

Your have to hustle and to think outside the book;

Remember to continue to stand up when you are beaten down relentlessly;

Win or Learn, you will NEVER LOSE!

You will make it, maybe not immediately, but ABSOLUTELY & DEFINITELY!

YOU NEED TO TAKE ACTION WHILE OTHERS HESITATE;

YOU NEED TO THINK BIG WHILE OTHERS DON'T;

YOU NEED TO SACRIFICE WHILE OTHERS DON'T;

YOU NEED TO DARE TO DREAM WHILE OTHERS FEAR IT;

YOU NEED TO OUTWORK YOUR COMPETITION DAY AND NIGHT!

YOU ARE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR FATE;

THE MASTER OF YOUR SOUL;

THE BOSS OF YOUR DREAMS;

THE QUEEN/KING OF YOUR GOALS!

You have to be leader to be unique;

To be hungry always and never satisfied;

To take criticism and negativity, and use it for your greatness;

To survive the storms and tough moments;

To sacrifice your today for a better tomorrow;

To sacrifice COC/games and enjoyment for the valuable times.

It is living a few years of life like others won't;

So you can spend the rest of your life like others can't.

Dedication - Commitment - Discipline.

The only difference between successful person and ordinary person is that:-

He/She will never give up.

He /She will find a way when there seemed to be no way;

He/She is someone happily working while others are yawning or partying;

He/She is addicted to success.

There is rarely ever a time when luck comes into play when it comes to success;

Hard work however always come into play;

There is no greater satisfaction in life than the hard work paying off.

Take action, while all others are sitting on their hands.

DO IT NOW!

Quote of the day

Never put yourself in the position of regretting what you did or did not try to do. Every experience whether it is good or bad, if it's based on the passionate belief that you are doing something you love, will definitely give you will and character to learn, grow and preserve

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Mentor-Disciple

"The role of the mentor is to point toward an ideal and the most effective means of its achievement, while the disciple strives to realize this ideal on an even greater scale than has been achieved by the mentor. The shared ideal, and the shared struggle to realize it, create a profound closeness in the lives of mentor and disciple--what Buddhism describes as the 'oneness' of mentor and disciple. This is the lifeblood of Buddhism."

In any field, a person who aids the development of another may be regarded as a mentor. In Buddhism, which is concerned with human happiness and development, the mentor-disciple relationship is fundamental. The foundation of the relationship between mentor and disciple in Buddhism is the shared pledge to work together for the happiness of people, to free them from suffering.

The Lotus Sutra, the Buddhist scripture that is the basis of Nichiren Buddhism, contains a vivid allegorical description of the moment when the Buddha's disciples make this pledge. The sutra describes how, during an occasion when Shakyamuni Buddha is preaching, the earth splits open and a multitude of resplendent bodhisattvas (individuals who have made compassionate action the foundation of their being) emerge. These so-called "Bodhisattvas of the Earth" are firmly resolved to continue to live out Shakyamuni's teachings after his passing, in the difficult and corrupted age to come. They vow to exert themselves to save people from suffering in this period of great social and spiritual turmoil, facing head-on whatever hardships they may encounter.

This grand, cinematic description portrays the profundity of the shared commitment of mentor and disciple to working for people's happiness throughout time. It is a metaphor for the transformation of the Buddha's disciples from passive recipients of the teachings to people committed to advancing on the path of compassionate action pioneered by the Buddha.

Defining a Path

Buddhism is a philosophy with the aim of empowering people. Its central premise is that each person has the innate capacity to triumph in any circumstances in which they find themselves, to surmount any source of suffering, transforming it into a source of growth and strength. It is a philosophy established on the conviction that there exist within the lives of each of us at each moment inexhaustible reserves of courage, wisdom, compassion and creative energy.

The mentor makes the disciple aware, and continues to remind him or her, of this profound potential, giving the disciple confidence in their own unrealized possibilities. It is the mentor's own life, at least as much as their teaching, that provides this inspiration. The abstract ideal of enlightenment is made tangible in the mentor's character and action.

The mentor's life is focused on the empowerment of others, modeling the fact that our own highest potential and happiness are realized through taking action for others. As SGI President Daisaku Ikeda writes, "The enlightenment and happiness of both self and others: A true mentor in Buddhism is one who enables us to remember this aspiration."

The path of developing one's own humanity that Buddhism maps out--the "path of enlightenment"--lies in the balance of having the courage to squarely confront one's own challenges, striving to grow and develop as a person, while taking action for the sake of others. At a crucial moment of indecision, thinking of a mentor's example can help one take a courageous step and break through one's limitations. The mentor's teachings and example help the disciple continue to progress on this difficult path of enlightenment--difficult because of the powerful countervailing tendencies of the human heart toward complacency, fear, arrogance and laziness. SGI President Ikeda comments: "A mentor helps you perceive your own weaknesses and confront them with courage."

That the mentor is a model of Buddhist practice does not mean that the disciple strives to imitate the mentor's persona, but rather to learn from the mentor's example, or way of life, and to bring that approach to life to bear on their own particular circumstances, expressed through the qualities of their own unique character. It is by internalizing the mentor's spirit in this way that the disciple grows and develops beyond their self-perceived limitations. The mentor-disciple relationship in Buddhism is a courageous path of self-discovery, not imitation or fawning.

In Buddhism, ultimate responsibility lies with the disciple. The mentor is always prepared to teach. The disciple must choose to seek and learn, and will develop to the extent that he or she works to absorb and take action on the basis of the mentor's teachings.

A Genuine Mentor

What criteria distinguish a genuine mentor in Buddhism? First is the fundamental orientation or motivation of the teacher--the ideal to which that person has dedicated their life. The highest, most noble ideal is the commitment to enable all people, without exception, to overcome suffering and become happy. Furthermore, a genuine teacher is one whose own efforts to seek truth and develop wisdom are continual throughout their lives. This attitude could be contrasted with that of a teacher who believes they have learned all they need to know and need only dispense their knowledge in a one-sided manner. That kind of teacher is also likely to try to boost their standing by obscuring the truth and turning knowledge into a privilege, rather than making it freely available to all.

The ultimate desire of a genuine mentor is to be surpassed by their disciples. This open-ended process of growth and succession is what allows a living tradition to develop and adapt to changing times. In the Lotus Sutra, it is signified by the fact that the Bodhisattvas of the Earth are even more splendid in appearance than their mentor, Shakyamuni.

Defining the respective functions of mentor and disciple, one could say that the role of the mentor is to point toward an ideal and the most effective means of its achievement, while the disciple strives to realize this ideal on an even greater scale than has been achieved by the mentor.

The shared ideal, and the shared struggle to realize it, create a profound closeness in the lives of mentor and disciple--what Buddhism describes as the "oneness" of mentor and disciple. This is the lifeblood of Buddhism and the means by which the aspiration to live a fully realized life and enable others to do the same is transmitted and developed from one generation to the next. In the absence of this shared commitment and the effort on the disciple's part to strive in the same spirit as the mentor, the mentor would simply become an object of veneration and Buddhism would lose its transformative power.

Growth and Continuity

The deep connection between mentor and disciple, and in particular the relationship between the Soka Gakkai's first three presidents, is what has sustained the development of the organization. Each successive president has expanded on the vision of his predecessor in painstakingly developing a movement able to reach out to, embrace and empower the greatest diversity of people. The current SGI president, Daisaku Ikeda (1928- ), worked closely with second Soka Gakkai President Josei Toda (1900-58) in the post-World War II period to empower literally millions of Japanese people, enabling them to positively transform their circumstances. Toda himself had been imprisoned alongside his mentor, founding president Tsunesaburo Makiguchi (1871-1944), for refusing to compromise the integrity of the teachings of Buddhism under pressure from Japan's militarist government.

Ikeda has broadened and internationalized the vision of people's empowerment he inherited from these mentors, taking it beyond the scope of a religious movement and developing a global movement for the promotion of peace, culture and education.

Ikeda has described his actions as an effort to inspire others with a sense of the possibilities that one person can accomplish on the basis of the mentor-disciple spirit. He has frequently expressed his determination to open new avenues for engagement with social and global issues that can be fully developed by future generations. "The relationship between mentor and disciple," he writes, "can be likened to that between needle and thread. The mentor is the needle and the disciple is the thread. When sewing, the needle leads the way through the cloth, but in the end it is unnecessary, and it is the thread that remains and holds everything together."

The commitment to the happiness of all people is at the heart of Buddhism. But it is through the relationship of mentor and disciple, through life-to-life connections, one person's aspiration igniting another's, that this ideal is brought out of the realm of abstract theory and made a reality in people's lives.

Thank you mentor, I hope to be an earnest disciple to learn from you. NMHRK

[Courtesy January 2010 SGI Quarterly]